Yes, I'm about to philosophize about my Halloween costume.
This year I chose to be Wonder Woman, lazy Wonder Woman in fact. I wore a t-shirt that looked like her uniform with a few extra touches.
I wanted to be her because over the past few years she has become an important new archetype for me. I read The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore and it really opened my eyes to the intention of Wonder Woman (ww) to be a reflection of the suffragette movement and powerful women.
She replaced the Disney princess in my head. I feel like she is someone to aspire to.
But some who have written for her have tied her back down and got away from the original vision. The new 52 comic books are way closer the way William Moulton Marston originally wrote her. I love reading them!
Over the past week I have been victim to others' conceptions of her.
She is a very sexual figure.
This scared me in the beginning that ww might just be a male fantasy. I now view her sexuality as part of her power; because I view my sexuality as part of my power.
Our world is filled with competing views of sexuality. It's still taboo and religious, it's personal but judged by others. I believe we are still a culture that punishes women who express their sexuality. We slut shame and assume they are desperate for male attention. Sometimes when a woman express her sexuality it can be for herself, for creativity, for fitness, to teach, and to lead.
On top of this people in general have trouble with a plus size woman expressing her sexuality. Movies have wrongly taught us that a plus size woman making sexual advances is a joke to be laughed at. This pains me, personally.
So I went to our friends Halloween party with my boyfriend on my arm and we had a great time. My friends who know me didn't bat an eyelash at my costume choice. I'm blessed with friends and acquaintances that accept me for who I am and I get to be myself.
My office also had a party. When a coworker asked me what my costume was going to be and I told her.
She laughed.
She laughed in such a way that I felt laughed at. After her laugh blurted out she gave me a condescending "okay." I felt like she was laughing at me for picking a sexual character.
I wore my ww costume anyway. Fuck her, I wear what I want!
When I get to work today many expressed excitement about my outfit. But then I saw my size 0 coworker come in as Wonder Woman as well. People immediately started comparing us. I felt so uncomfortable.
Then a coworker came up and told me I should of worn more makeup to be ww. She said I would look better if I wore more makeup all the time. This hurt me greatly. She didn't know I had gotten up early to just put on the makeup I had on.
People compared the wonder women all day. Someone even joked that the token young single male in the office would have his pick of us. Our costumes weren't revealing at all but still people seem to be objectifying us. It seemed to be that by dressing up as Wonder Woman made people feel it was okay to judge me. I made them feel uncomfortable because they only view ww as sexy and they don't see me as sexy. And yah, coworkers aren't the idea audience for your sexuality, but you know it exists. I felt like no one wanted to know my sexuality exists.
The owner of the company joked that we were "wonder girls" not Wonder Woman. All I could say was "no."
Subtle subjugation.
The whole experience was Exhausting. I hate that I live in a world were people behave this way. I limped away from work.
I came home to my man who thinks I'm a beautiful, sexy, powerful woman. I cried thankful tears.
I wish I was better at brushing off experience like this. My inner therapist is saying "your neuroses are showing!"
I don't know how to change the world when it is hurting me.
