Over the years of learning how to
sit by people in pain as a chaplain I have developed a helpful tool for physical
touch. First, I never assume someone
wants a hug or a comforting arm around the shoulder. The best thing to do is ask if it is okay to
reach out and touch them. You never know
what physical pain they might be in or if they don’t want to be touched because
of psychological trauma.
I have had people in both my
private and work life go to hug me when I didn’t want to be touched. When someone does that to me now, I make my boundaries
known by stating them. It usually comes
out as a yell.
My education has taught me how to
read someone’s body language and all of their nonverbal communication. People do this amazing thing when the want to
be touched. Their hand goes away from their body and rests palm side up. It’s never
in a clenched fist or with arms folded and hands tucked away.
I can see this body language in
others and in myself. When I want my
hand to be held all I have had to do is let go and open it. This was true in my hospital beds and on my
second date with my boyfriend. All I had to do was to make my hand available.
This concept is a comfort to me. When I am feeling alone, sad, isolated, or depressed,
all I have to do is open my hand and someone will be beside me. It’s a vulnerable feeling, but also an act of
courage. If you need someone to hold
your hand, just open it up and make yourself available.
